Building and sustaining effective relationships: why first meetings matter
Dr Paul Prichard | April 2025
Read more from the Reflections on Relational Practice blog series:
- 'Hard to reach' families or difficult to access services?
- What is relational practice and why is it important?
- Listening to speak or listening to understand?
- Understanding the broader context of individual families
- How our interpretation of experiences might get in the way of helping families
- Building and sustaining effective relationships: why first meetings matter
First meetings play a significant role establishing trust and ongoing relationships.
Recently, I was shopping for a new computer. As someone who is barely IT literate, I dreaded talking to a slick, pushy IT sales rep about my basic desktop needs. However, when I finally entered one of our big national electronic sales outlets, I was approached by a calm, gentle salesperson. His appearance and demeanour instantly put me at ease, and I ended up purchasing more than I initially intended. When I asked him why he was so good at what he does, he replied simply, ‘I’m really interested in people and I love what I do.’
The importance of first impressions
Attend any corporate profit-focused course on ‘making the sale’ and you'll learn why first impressions are crucial. The first encounter between two individuals shapes how we perceive each other and influences future interactions. Our brains make rapid judgments within seconds, impacting relationships significantly, especially in family support settings where connection and understanding are key. Sanders (1997) points out that people often decide whether to pursue further encounters based on the first meeting.
Leaving an 'effect'
Every encounter leaves a lasting impression, with the initial meeting setting the tone for what follows. These impressions are formed through body language, tone of voice and word choice. It's challenging to change initial perceptions once established, so being mindful of how we present ourselves is essential.
During my doctoral research, I learned from many parents who felt judged, subjugated and disrespected in previous encounters with professionals. Although not the primary focus of my research, I concluded that initial encounters are critical in helping contexts. This experience has shaped my understanding of the importance of first encounters.
Subconscious decisions
Initial interactions may be affected by biases from subconscious decisions. Factors like stereotypes, past experiences, and cultural conditioning influence our perceptions without us realising it. Self-awareness and reflection on judgments help recognise and mitigate these biases, allowing for more open and genuine connections.
Status and power dynamics
In any interaction, we unconsciously evaluate status and power dynamics, affecting collaboration and how we relate to others. A parent’s subconscious positioning in an unspoken hierarchy with a practitioner influences their participation. The onus is on the practitioner to facilitate meetings in ways that reflect shared power and reciprocity. Discussing mutual respect and the value of each other's knowledge and skills can empower both parties.
Building trust and rapport
First interactions are critical for establishing trust, rapport and safety. To foster trust, we can practice active listening, show empathy and maintain transparency. In family support settings, trust ensures open communication and effective conflict resolution. A parent who feels safe and trusts a practitioner is more likely to help sustain the relationship beyond the first meeting.
The meeting environment
Service environments can be sterile or intimidating. In my research, parents appreciated encounters in casual, de-formalised settings. Meeting in an open, supported, play environment for instance, can alleviate anxieties or nervousness.
Deep listening
As covered in the Listening to speak or listening to understand blog, an effective 'helping' relationship requires deep listening. Actively listening to another person, using pauses, effective body language, skilful summarising, and empathic remarks will ultimately help the other person hear their own story out loud, often for the first time. This can sometimes lead to people identifying solutions to their own issues which, in itself, can be deeply empowering. As one practitioner said following our training focused on deep listening, ‘Three things I take away from this course. Firstly, just listen; secondly, just listen; and thirdly, just listen!’
First impressions matter in building strong, successful relationships. Being mindful of how we present ourselves and interact lays the foundation for meaningful connections. Focusing on trust, empathy and self-awareness creates positive experiences for everyone involved.
Postscript
By the way, the salesperson who sold me the computer, insurance and software asked me to come back to him personally if I had any questions, issues or additional needs. I already have!
Reference
Sanders, R. E. (1997). Find Your Partner and Do-Si-Do: The Formation of Personal Relationships between Social Beings. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 14(3), 387-415. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407597143007
About the author
Dr Paul Prichard has extensive experience in early childhood services, specialising in family engagement and relational practice. He works to amplify the voices of disengaged families in the design and implementation of services, ensuring that their unique needs are prioritised. Before starting his own consultancy, Paul worked at the Centre for Community Child Health as Training and Development Manager.